Confined Spaces
by Sekai-no-Hi
Summary: Five Gundam pilots. One room. Let chaos reign and ceiling dust rain. Hooya!
1. DGOD

Disclaimer:

I do not own the Gundam pilots, or the Gundams ::sighs deeply:: or any related element thereof, not counting show merch. For reasons why I should not own a Gundam, or Gundam pilot, ask Zolac no Miko. If you wish to sue me for any reason, you're outta luck. Sorry.

Notes:

At last, I've gotten this out of my head! Bwahahhaa!!! ::the masses shudder in fear:: the rating will most likely go up, and in my universe, yaoi happens, so get used to it, or get out now, while the gettings good. Don't flame me, just cuz you have your own ideas about the pilot's relationships, ok? Oh, and I really do love Wufei. He's definitely one of my favorite characters ever. Which is pretty much the reason for the torture. I'm all into s&m like that. nods oh, and there may be some OOC moments, but its all for the sake of the fic. Oh yeah, and theres gonna be some definite Relena-bashing later. In my opinion, this should be made an Olympic sport.

The room was small, and the room was dark. The pilots were cramped, and the pilots were antsy. It was a recipe for disaster before it even began.

They were hiding out after a mission, trying to keep a low profile. The majority of Quatre's seemingly endless supply of safehouses were plenty big on the stealth-factor, just apparently not big enough; at the moment, anyway.

So here they were, in a cramped, stuffy little room in an abandoned warehouse, with only a door and a barely-functioning air-vent in the ceiling, all care of one of Duo's "contacts". Who knew where they came from, anyway.

They had been there for six hours now. All five pilots. In a room. That measured roughly fifteen by twelve feet, had anyone cared to measure. Which they had.

"This room is officially thirteen by nine feet...I think." Duo finally looked up from his careful circumnavigation the room triumphantly.

From his place lying on his back on the floor, Heero rolled his eyes. "No, its not."

Duo blinked. And then pouted slightly. "Yes, it is. I've counted it seventeen times in the last hour."

Heero didn't even bother to turn his head. "So you're saying your feet are exactly twelve inches long?"

Duo blinked again, thinking. "Awh, crap."

Heero stole a glance out of the corner of his eye. "Anyway, I already measured it earlier. It's fifteen by twelve." He closed his eyes.

Duo slumped against the wall where he stood, pondering his feet. "And that was the last thing I could think of in the way of entertainment, too. Damn. Oh well." He grinned and looked around the room, an evil glint in his eye.

Heero didn't even bother opening an eye this time. He knew the crazy little Shinigami too well. All he hoped was that it was not he who was fated to be the next object of entertainment...unless...of course...

Heero smacked his internal voice. _Omae o Korosu_, he thought at it, vehemently. It just sniggered at him.

Meanwhile, Duo was still casting a conniving gaze around the room.

Quatre, though a bit more sedate about his methods, was already ahead of Duo in the boredom game, and had resorted to asking Trowa to have an imaginary tea party with him. Trowa seemed to be very busy trying to figure out how, and when, he had been taught the protocol, in all of his mercenary training, to deal with such a situation. His internal hard drive was currently threatening a Blue Screen of Death, impending.

Wufei, on the other hand, offered a somewhat more appealing opportunity in the field of boredom alleviation. The gleam in Duo's eyes went from signifying "Immanent Doom" to "Woe Shall Befall He Who Feels This Gaze." From his position on the floor, Heero could almost feel it. He shuddered. Internally, of course. Perfect Soldiers never "shudder"; they "Glare Ominously". Heero opened an eye for a test of this theory. A small hole formed in the ceiling at his Glare, and some Ceiling Dust fell in a tiny cascade.

Quatre sneezed and dropped an imaginary teacup, which shattered into imaginary shards. He pondered this with distress.

Trowa jumped, and glanced around nervously. He hoped imaginary tea wouldn't stain his jeans. And then he hoped that no one knew he had hoped that.

Duo made his way over to Wufei, who was currently meditating in a corner; eyes closed, and plunked himself down directly in front of him. Wufei cracked an eye open. His serene mental voice registered two words: "Oh. Shit."

"Hiya, Wuffie!" Duo's tone was that of bouncy friendliness, but the conniving glint in his eyes betrayed him. Wufei suppressed a wince.

"Hello, Maxwell. I thought I told you not to call me that." Nataku's pilot sighed the last sentence, beyond hope that such a thing as Duo pronouncing his name right could, in fact, be accomplished. "Don't you have some ceiling tiles or something to be counting? Some inner voices to be conversing with?"

"You mean like the way you talk to Nataku?"

Wufei glared at him.

"What, you think we don't know you do that? Dude, you gotta stop doin' that with your cb on. We can all hear you. You're practically romantically involved with that thing." Duo leaned back on his rear, calculating opponent damages.

Wufei twitched slightly, trying to maintain some level of inner peace; the idea of which was currently being overrun with images of poking at Dou with a katana... Or maybe Nataku's flame-thrower option. Boy, he loved that. Just flip a switch and its Aries barbeque time. Not that he enjoyed senseless violence, of course. It was just..._damn_, it was like OZ built them to be Gundam-fodder. It was almost unfair watching them sizzle like that...Almost. They were WEAK!! ...and they all looked mysteriously similar when they went up, too.

He was just beginning to sink deep into a ponderous inner debate over the mass amounts of weak, unjust minions he was encountering lately, when something Duo was saying caught his attention.

"...yeah, and last week, Deathscythe was talkin' to me about how we should use more of those handy little flash-bangs under water, cuz, damn! The looks on those OZ guy's faces are priceless! She said it was lame, how I used that one on Relena that one time. What a friggen' waste. I mean"-

Wufei raised an eyebrow. "She?"

Duo regarded him dubiously. "Yeah. Deathscythe. Anyway, she was tellin' me how it was just a big freakin' waste to"-

"So you're saying you talk to your Gundam, too?"

"Well, yeah, I guess. But mostly she talks to me. In my head. While I fight. And sometimes when I'm in the shower." Duo grinned. It was a thoroughly bone-chilling experience. At least from where Wufei was sitting. "Yeah, like last week, she was sayin' how Nataku was tellin' her"-

"Nataku? You mean my Nataku?!" Wufei was suddenly sitting up straighter.

"Well yeah," Duo looked around innocently. "You know any other Natakus, Deathscythe?" He paused. "Yeah, I didn't think so. No, I'm not coming to play with you today. These lameasses have me trapped in an evil little room. No, I don't need you to come rescue me. Okay, yeah, you go back to playing checkers with Sandrock. Sorry to bother you."

Wufei was staring.

Duo continued as if nothing had happened. "Anyway, as I was saying, she was talkin' to Nataku last week and she said that Nataku told her that you seem to have been in need of deodorant lately."

Wufei stared harder. "ExCUSE me?"

"Yeah, she said that if you don't get better at your personal hygiene, that she's gonna upload Zero System and sic it on you next time you're dueling with Treize."

Wufei turned red.

Across the room, Heero was still lying on his back, making practice glare-holes in the ceiling. He had gotten to the point where he could aim his glare to hit right above Quatre and Trowa, causing them to have spontaneous sneezing fits as the tiny motes of dust rained down upon them.

Trowa was getting distressed. He didn't know where all this dust was coming from, but it was falling into his imaginary tea, and making it taste like...like...well, he hadn't gotten that far in his thought processes yet.

Quatre had gone through a whole set of imaginary China already, casualties of his consecutive sneezing fits.

It was taking all of Heero's training not to smirk.

Wufei was still glaring at the innocently grinning Shinigami, who was still talking. "Yeah, I think I'd be worried if I were you, buddy. Deathscythe was tellin' me how Nataku says she doesn't think you're strong enough"-

Duo was cut off by Wufei's sharp intake of breath. "My Nataku would never say such things!" he lowered his voice, as if speaking to himself, "Would you? Am I not worthy of being your pilot? I know I am not strong enough yet, but I will be! Nataku, I will work every day to become as strong as I can, so together we can wipe out injustice and"-

"Uh, dude?" Duo interrupted, scratching his nose.

Wufei glared at him sharply. "What?"

"That's kinda creepy."

"How is it any less creepy than your talking to Deathscythe?"

"I dunno. Just is. Maybe that's why Nataku's been sayin' all that about how your idea of justice is wrong"-

"WHAT?!?" Wufei's shriek was so loud that it distracted Heero, causing him to glare harder than he had meant to, and making a small chunk of ceiling land in Trowa's imaginary tea cup.

Trowa poked at it with distaste.

Meanwhile, Wufei was in full Justice Rant mode.

"How DARE you say such a thing! The very implication- the...the...INJUSTICE!!! You are WEAK! You do not know what a hard and long path one must follow in the pursuit of justice! One must become STRONG!! The weak should not fight!! That is INJUST!! You are WEAK!! WEAK, I tell you!!"

Duo regarded this and blinked. Up close, Duo could imagine Wufei's pores doing this little open-close thing when he ranted. It was really fascinating to watch. He wondered how Wufei kept such a clear complexion with all that opening and closing. All that dust and stuff that must get in them. And then there was his hair. When he yelled "Strong" a few hairs came loose from his pony tail and kinda...Duo thought for a moment, searching for the right word...Sproinged. Yes, they Sproinged. Sticking out behind his ears, and twitching as he continued to yell. Duo was almost disappointed when he stopped. Wufei was so entertaining when he ranted; especially up close. So Duo could see the Sproingyness.

"But it wasn't me who said you were unjust. It was Nataku. At least, that's what Deathscythe told me." It was almost too easy, Duo thought to himself.

"But she wouldn't- she would never"- Wufei spluttered. He was sitting cross-legged now, holding his knees to his chest, and as a vein tweaked in his forehead, he began to rock jerkily back and forth. "I am not unjust! I am the embodiment of Justice Itself!" he was muttering now, almost to himself. Duo watched and grinned. "My fight for Justice will continue as long as there is Evil in the world. Which is always. And evil is bad. Yesyes. Evil is bad, so I must wipe it out with my JUSTICE!! AHAHAHA!! JUSTICE! YES!! I must not be weak! That would be bad! Wouldn't it, Nataku? Just wait until I get out of this unjust little cubicle! We will persue our quest for JUSTICE!! The Weak must not fight! If they do, we will WALLOP them!! YES!! Wallop them with our JUSTICE!!"

Wufei had gained a steady rhythm to his rocking, and Duo would have hated to disturb this, so he backed away slowly, making a mental note to tamper with Shenlong's cb transmitter, so it fed directly into his cockpit speakers. If Wufei had added the word "wallop" to his Justice Rant vocabulary, this would be too good to miss.

Meanwhile, Heero had grown bored with disrupting imaginary tea parties. He had thus had settled for making glare-hole patterns in the ceiling, which Quatre and Trowa, growing tired of breaking China and pondering the effects of ceiling-dust consumption together with imaginary tea, were guessing the shapes of.

"I know! I know!!" Quatre pointed up excitedly. "It's a tea cup!!!"

Trowa also pondered it.

"..."

"..."

"..."

At last he spoke. "No, its not. It's a spy. From OZ. Sneaking into the Alliance headquarters and planting a bomb, before putting caffeine pills in their coffee, so they will all have aneurisms just as the bomb is going off. And he likes pepperoni on his pizza."

Quatre looked at Trowa, who was still busy contemplating the ceiling, wondering if someone would find the bomb in time. He hoped they wouldn't.

"You're both wrong. It's actually a self-detonation pad. See the button in the middle?"


	2. The Question

Disclaimer:

Like I said. I no own-y. So no touchy-touchy.

No endangered geese were harmed in the creation of this fic.

But some pink tea cups might be thrown at some poor, innocent authors sometime in the near future.

Notes:

blah=voices inside the pilots heads.

In case you haven't figgered it out yet, this fic is full of the torture of innocent bishis. Please be aware that I love them all, and the fact that I torture them basically is just a bi-product of this. I am not an evil psycho bent on the impending insanity of sweet, innocent terrorist bishounen. Also, I wanna give Koneko Shido some credit for Duo's nickname for Wufei, "Wuffie". She was the first person I saw use this, and her fics rock. I always kind pictured Duo calling him that as being fitting. Oh yeah, and according to Zolac no Miko, peanut butter in a tube actually exists (I am severely worried about the state of a world that can come up with this). She also deserves some acknowledgement here, as it was a conversation with her the other morning that started this chapter. And then there were the rabid geese...::mutters something incoherent about stupid national park laws:

Duo Maxwell yawned.

The day was young, and already Wufei had passed out (a result of his own Justice Ranting, Duo was convinced), Heero had a splitting headache (he kept closing his eyes and rubbing his temples. Duo couldn't figure out why, but he was pretty sure it had something to do with the fact that the ceiling suddenly had what looked like several hundred more beginning attempts at ventilation ducts.), and Quatre and Trowa had begun a game of strip poker, which seemed to be involving a lot more stripping than poking. Although, he supposed there was always time for that.

Duo sat in a corner and played with the end of his braid. For some reason, it was reminding him of Shelong's extendable arm, the way it could curve all over.

He tickled the end of his nose with the braid and sneezed.

Thinking about Shenlong's extendable arm had led him down a path of thought with many twists, turns, ravines, and past many a campsite holding killer geese lying in wait. Now the more he thought about it, the more it looked like an oversized hand puppet. Which made sense. Damn, but Wufei was always talking to the thing. He could easily imagine Wufei, sitting in the cockpit, fires of battle raging around him, his Nataku's arm extended and held in front of him, carrying on a conversation with it.

Yes, he could definitely see that.

And then he heard the buzzing noise.

It seemed a hapless fly had somehow found its way in through the air vent, and was now circumnavigating the room in rapid repetition. Duo glared at it.

So did Heero. However, the effort made him wince. It seemed that Heero Yuy's Doom Glare of Doom would be out of commission for a little while yet.

Duo watched the fly. The little bastard had been going at this for a minute or two now, and was beginning to fly a little slower. He grinned evilly and began swinging his braid ominously in one hand, lasso style.

Across the room, Quatre and Trowa were down to boxers, and it looked as if things were going to become slightly more entertaining very shortly.

Duo glared at the fly. just a little slowerhe thought. What he didn't realize was that staring at a rapidly moving fly that was navigating circles around a small room was not necessarily good for one's aim. So, as the fly took another exhausted circle by him and Duo lunged, yelling a war-cry and swinging his braid full-tilt like a mace, he only managed to hit himself in the face with his hair while landing in Heero's spandex-y lap; across the room from where he had been aiming.

Heero, suddenly presented with a flying, screaming Shinigami at full speed, and then a face full of said Shinigami's braid, only managed a half of his usual Glare before seeing his vision dotted with chibi Wing Zeros, dancing to some very bouncy music. Duo watched him as he began to mumble, in a very off-key voice, something to the effect of "just wild beat..."

The fly was not so lucky. By pure chance, Heero's glare had caught it dead on, and it exploded with a tiny POP and a flash of blue light.

Quatre and Trowa's poker game had been interrupted by Duo's scream. Quatre had made a sound something like a smoke detector that had just sucked the helium out of a hot air balloon, and ended up in Trowa's boxer-clad lap. He took no time to appreciate the fact that Trowa's boxer's had pictures of little purple flowers with happy faces on them. His own were black silk, with pictures of whips and handcuffs, but he hoped no one would notice that.

All alone, in another corner, Wufei was dreaming. He was dreaming that he was back with his Nataku, like that time he had been hiding out by the river. No one had seen him for months, that time, and he had spent the entirety of those months in careful contemplative pondering.

And what, you may ask, was Wufei, the descendant of Dragons, the scholar, the Justice-crazed lunatic contemplating? Funny you should ask. And don't think you're the first, either. Come to think of it, he was asked that a lot. Rabid Fan Girls, mecha-crazed, testosterone-driven males (and more often than not, these were also closet Rabid Fan Boys, there was to be no doubt), and of course Lula, the lunch lady at Relena's school. (In case you were wondering, she got the chance to ask when he had come on a mission to kill the Pink Atrocity, per request from Duo. Heero knew nothing of the attempt, which had failed when Wufei had encountered the dreaded Bean Sprouts and run away screaming in terror, but before he had, Lula had gotten the chance to ask. Oh, and no, he wasn't paid by Duo. Duo had just threatened to tell the rest of the pilots about how Wufei's underwear had lime green chibi bunnies on them.)

Anyway. The question.

Just WHAT is Wufei always pondering

In his sleep, Wufei twitched. He wasn't weak! I was smart! And JUST!! Now why couldn't he figure it out?

Why did hotdogs come in packages of ten, and buns come in packages of eight!? WHY!?!

He woke with a stifled shriek, sitting bold upright, vein in his forehead twitching.

They all looked at him.

Heero with a blank stare so as not to use his Glare again.

Duo from where he was stealthily trying to make it back into Heero's lap from where he had been dumped on the floor.

Quatre, still from his seat in Trowa's lap where they were covered in the poker cards he had thrown when he leapt.

And Trowa, from behind his bangs, which presently had an ace of spades sticking out of them. The card had what looked suspiciously like a picture of an Eva on the back of it.

Duo grinned. "Hey, Wu-man. Have a nice nap?"

Wufei took one look at Duo and gave another shriek. "Kiyahhh!!! Braided demon!! Back fiend!"

Duo continued to grin, but shrugged. "Hey, I'm bored. Tro, where'd those cards come from, anyway?" he looked with interest at the cards Quatre had begun to shuffle together.

"..." said Trowa, and reached into his bangs, withdrawing a Pictionary board, followed by a Sandrock plushie, which he hastily stuffed back into the Magical Bangs.

"Woah! Sweet!" Duo's grabbed the Pictionary box, staring in wonder at Trowa's hair. "You got anything to eat in there?"

"..." Trowa reached into his bangs again, this time coming up with a tube of what Duo, after careful inspection of the packaging, realized was peanut butter.

He poked at the tube. It made a satisfying squishy noise and some peanut goo began oozing out a hole at one end. He poked it again. This time the peanut goo squirted out and splattered on the wall. Duo grinned. Heero contemplated banging his head against a wall, but thought better of it and settled for joining Quatre and Trowa in setting up the Pictionary board. Wufei watched it all from a safe distance.

Meanwhile, Duo had managed to smear the peanut butter across the wall, and was now drawing in it. Little chibi pictures that looked suspiciously like Deathscythe Hell, stomping on OZ mobile troops, and then doing a victory cha-cha on the rubble.

Then they evolved into what looked very suspiciously like chibi versions of Heero and himself doing Very Citrusy Things in the cockpit of Wing Zero. They weren't very detailed, as it was peanut butter, but nonetheless...


	3. Green Chibi Bunnies

..Warnings and Disclaimers: okay, things are actually gonna get a little Controversial now. This is me, so I'm surprised that hasn't happened already, but anyway... yah. Okay, mentions of yaoi/shounen-ai. Nothin' too graphic... (yet?) not really any language in this chapter, but in the next one things should get a little more colorful.

I do not own Gundam Wing/After Colony. I do not own After War/Gundam X. I do not own Neon Genesis Evangelion. If I did, would I be writing fan fiction? No. I don't think so either. And please don't try to sue me. All the money I admit to having is going to my friends birthday presents, and this really gorgeous Duo/Deathscythe Hell wallscroll I just got. Its soooooo preeeetttyyyyyy. And you cant have it either, you greedy bastards. Okay, I need to turn off my laptop before I get hit by the electrical storm that's been circling my house all night. I'm really tempting fate here...

Time: 15:00:18

Mission Time Elapsed: 06:17:38...

...39...

...40...

"I'm melting into the floor... It's finally happening..."

"Maxwell, get up and stop whining. We've only been in here about six hours."

"No, really... I'm melting. I can feel it! ...Tell Deathscythe she can have my yaoi doorknocker collection and my Evangelion poster of Shinji and Kowaru..."

"You are not melting, Maxwell. Hey! Get off my leg! If you drool on me, I swear, Omae o korosu!"

"Oh come on, Yuy. As if you'd mind!"

"Wufei, you... you... Omae o korosu!" (Doom Glare of Doom)

... Sizzle...

"Aiyiii!"

"... Stiiiiiill got it."

"Heeeeeeero, entertain me." Duo blinked large violet eyes up at Heero who failed miserably at another DGoD. He sat down beside Duo, who grinned wickedly. Heero gave him a sidelong glance.

"In case you hadn't noticed, we are not alone." He muttered.

Several feet away, Wufei had a violent choking fit. He had very good hearing.

Across the room, Quatre and Trowa were amusing themselves with a can of whipped cream Trowa had produced from his Magic Bangs. This had so far involved them taking turns sucking the gas out of the can, punctuated by manic giggling fits on Quatre's part and Trowa engaging his feet in a conversation about the true meaning of the word Ketchup vs. Catsup, and if this could possibly have any subtext pertaining to the subject of him licking whipped cream off Quatre.

He thought it should, and had just decided that subtext is there as a suggestion of things that should be happening at this moment, when he was pounced upon by Duo in full Shinigami Mode.

In his opinion, Wing's Zero System was nothing in comparison to the destruction these moods of Duo's could instigate. The other pilots were usually in agreement.

"Hey, Tro. You done with that can of whipped cream? Can we use it? Pleassssse?"

Trowa's head spun slightly as he brought Duo into focus. Before he could answer, however, Duo snatched the can, and, dragging Trowa in tow, hauled him to the center of the room. Quatre, still giggling fiendishly in fits and spurts and muttering something about buttons and machine guns, followed. He plunked himself down next to Trowa, who he was eyeing, alternately with the can of whipped cream Duo held, both with a fiendish glint in his eyes.

Duo already had Heero sitting cross-legged in the center of the room, and was now making an attempt at dragging Wufei bodily across the room. Finally, he stopped, let go, and leaned over the other pilot, breathing into his ear, "Wuffie, if you don't stop fighting right now I am going to tell every one of them about your lime green chibi bunny underwear."

Wufei sat.

Duo beamed at him.

"May I ask what you have in mind, Maxwell?" Heero eyed Duo with well-deserved suspicion.

"Course! We're gonna play spin the bottle!" Duo grinned, and not just a little evilly.

Multiple Groans.

"Oh come on! It'll be fuuuun! Okay, fine. I'll spin first."

He spun. It landed on Quatre, who emitted a giggle pitched somewhat similarly to a dog-whistle.

Duo raised an eyebrow and smirked. "Alright. Truth or dare, Quat."

"Ummmmmm..." Quatre's eyes slid to Trowa. "Dare!"

"Okie dokie. Trowa, you got any more whipped cream?"

Trowa, smiling faintly at Quatre, produced another can.

"Great", Duo said, shaking the can. "Wuffie, take off your shirt, Quat is gonna lick this off your chest."

Wufei's squeak outdid Quatre's by a good half dozen decibels, but Duo gave him the "Your Underwear Has Green Chibi Bunnies On Them and I Know It" look. Wufei lost his shirt, and Duo gave the can another good shake before spraying it all over his chest.

Trowa's Glare was reaching intensity almost close to rivaling Heero's, if Heero was having a bad day and was half asleep.

Quatre, glancing dubiously at Trowa, was about to start his dare when a rattle was heard from above.

Then another, and another.

All five pilots looked up.

"Its coming from the vent." Heero said, readying his Glare.

Another rattle was heard, then some scuffling. It sounded like someone was trying to be stealthy and failing miserably. This was followed by some muffled curses, another scuffle, and then a crash.

Everything happened at once:

The grate came flying off the vent, followed by Something in blue jeans and a jacket that shrieked like a demon, flailing madly.

Heero fired a Glare, which hit the grate. The grate exploded in a shower of sparks.

Trowa jumped Quatre, who was kneeling, looking Extremely Confused, and then yelped, both of the toppling to the floor.

Duo let out a whoop, jumping out of range as sparks flew everywhere.

...And the Something from the grate fell with an "...Oomph!" into Wufei's whipped-cream smudged lap.

And then there was Silence.

...For about .167354 seconds.

"Holy SHIT! That was one flimsy grate! ... Woah. Hi." The Something said... all in about 1.5 seconds.

... So it was more like, "HolySHITthatwasaflimsygratewoahhi." ... Only faster.

It was a he. He had black hair a little longer and messier than Heero's, and giant green eyes. He was wearing a tan and red bomber jacket over a white polo shirt and blue jeans with tennis shoes. He was about the same age as the other pilots. And he was covered in whipped cream, sprawled across a very shell-shocked looking Wufei's lap.

Time: 15:12:57

Mission Time Elapsed: 06:30:35...

...36...

...37...

A/N: yes, I know this isn't really a "mission" but gimme a break. And sorry for all you who haven't seen Gundam X. There's some great sites with pics from it. I'll post some so people can go see what Gerrod Ran looks like (damn bishilicious, that's what.). Me and Quat have come to the consensus that he's a mix of the gw/ac five. He tends to be really stealthy, but sometimes that backfires at all the wrong times; like now. He's so kawaii! That show is a lot... lighter... than gw/ac. Well, in some ways, anyway. It has more comic relief. I can't wait for it to be translated into English! ... provided that it will at all. But yeah, I thought it might be fun for him to make an Entrance, and poor Wuffie always gets the short end of the stick (Okay, you hentais. Get your minds outta the gutter.)... and by that I mean Treize. (sorry, the Trojo just doesn't do it for me. Blech.). Oh and I've been having some writers block with this fic recently, so if anyone has some ideas for it, please by all means tell me. You can email me, or leave it in reviews, I don't mind a bit. But if you're gonna flame me, don't do it anonymously. That's so freakin' lame.


	4. It Came From The Grate

Disclaimer: I do not own, nor, sadly (maybe mercifully) will I ever own Gundam Wing/AC. I don't even own any microwavable fudge or whipped cream. I do, however, have a pair of boxers with shamrocks on them that I got at Blarney Castle in Ireland. And this other pair with winking happy faces that my Great Aunt Mary sent me for my birthday. And a rubber squeaky banana.

Warnings: allllrighty. This is where it all goes to hell in a handbasket. DO NOT READ THIS if you are a)homophobic, b)offended by extremely blatant mention of very um... I don't know if "kinky" is the right word, but... something along those lines... stuff. c)offended by hentai stuff in general. d)get ticked off by occ-ness, and e) are generally closed-minded, OR all of the above. It isn't really all that bad, but I don't want people flaming me just because you're a homophobe and don't agree with my ideas, alright? I do this for fun, so don't take it seriously.

A/N: yeah, this is where, for all you lovely hentai yaoi crazy people things begin to get fun. For all you right-wing conservatives, you're outta luck, go read a newspaper or something. I really need to up the rating, so that will be escalating, as things will be getting more fun now. I really wish there was a rating of just plain V for Voyeurism. That would be SO fitting. Also, there's a little OCC-ishness, but not too drastic, I don't think. Make up your own minds about that one. I was just having fun. Enjoy!

Time: 15:12:59

Mission Time Elapsed: 06:30:39

Wufei: "Er, hello."

Gerrod: "Ehhhh... hi. I seem to be in your lap."

Wufei: "Yes. Yes you do..."

Gerrod: "Funny thing about that, huh?"

Duo: "........."

Heero: "...........Random Glare............"

Trowa: "............................................................................................" (he had more practice with this, naturally.)

Quatre: "....................."

Wufei: "Yes, funny thing..."

Gerrod: "I'm Gerrod. And you're covered in whipped cream."

Wufei: "I'm Wufei. And so are you."

Gerrod: "Something should be done about this in the near future."

Wufei: "Yes. Yes it should."

Gerrod: "I see you have a sword."

Wufei: Damn-Strait-I-Do-and-Don't-That-Kick-Ass grin

Duo: "Yeah, Wuffie. What's up with the sword, anyway? I mean, you've used it like, what... once?"

Wufei: "Pay no attention to the Braided Demon. It seems to have gained the impression that we take it seriously. I am currently in the process of finding a way to get it to leave and/or be quiet for thirty seconds at a time"-

Duo: "Wuffie, why do you have that sword?"

Wufei: ((thinks a minute)) "... Onna's dig it."

Gerrod: ((begins dipping fingers absent-mindedly into whipped cream on Wufei and licking it off))

Wufei: ((looking at Gerrod, mouth open slightly)) "Ehehehhhh... um..."

Duo: "You were saying, Wuffie?"

Wufei: "... And it stabs stuff... It's sharp... I like swords... Shiny..." ((still watching Gerrod eat whipped cream off him))

Duo: ((snickering)) "Onnas... riiiiiiiiight."

Heero: "Baka. Maxwell, get over here. Don't you think you've tortured him enough for the day?"

Duo: "...To tell the truth, I didn't really think that was possible."

Heero: "Oh whatever."((grabs Duo by belt loop and hauls him over to a corner.)) "I'll even play spin the bottle with you."

Duo: "But Quatre and Trowa seem to be... Busy."

Heero: "And your point is...?"

Duo: ((blank stare, then big grin)) "Okie dokie. Whatever you say, Hee-chan. As long as I spin first!"

Gerrod: "I like whipped cream."

Wufei: /Great Nataku, so do I.../

Gerrod: I also like sushi. ((draws a smiley-face in whipped cream on Wufei's chest))

Wufei: /whipped cream is a glorious food.../

Gerrod: I wonder what sushi is like with whipped cream... ((licks a blob of whipped cream off Wufei's shoulder))

Wufei: /I really need to write to whoever invented this stuff and... and... ehhhhhhhh/

Gerrod: "Are you usually this quiet?"

---

Meanwhile, about 8 feet away...

Trowa: "Uh, Quatre, what are those on your boxers?"

Quatre: "Ummmmm... Teacups?" /damn... someone noticed./

Trowa: "That looks like a whip... and those look like handcuffs..."

Quatre: "You're hallucinating. Those are tea cups."

Trowa: "Are you sure? I don't FEEL like I'm hallucinating... what was in that imaginary tea?"

Quatre: "Um... Magic mushrooms."

Trowa: "Imaginary magic mushrooms?"

Quatre: "Uh, yeah. Of course! They're good for... uh... sand flea bites. You know, in the desert... Yeeeeah."

Trowa: "Sand flea bites? Are there bugs in this room?"

Quatre: "Only imaginary ones."

Trowa: "This still doesn't explain why there's whips and handcuffs all over your boxers."

Quatre: "I TOLD you, those are TEA CUPS!"

---

In a random corner...

Heero: (wearing a rhinestone tiara and leather choker) "Okay, it's my damn turn to spin the bottle."

Duo: "But I was just having fun!" ((hides an eyeliner pencil behind his back))

Heero: "Why is it that every time YOU start having fun, I end up in bizarre costumes and/or makeup?"

Duo: "...Or naked."

Heero: "There was that."

Duo: "You're complaining?"

Heero: "No."

Duo: "Good. Didn't think so. Now spin already."

Heero: "What's the point? There's only two of us, anyway. We know who it's gonna land on."

Duo: "It's more fun if you spin. Especially if you spin and it accidentally ends up hitting someone in the head."

Wufei: "OW! Damn Shinigami!"

Duo: "... Like Wufei. See, wasn't that fun?"

Heero: "If you say so. Now I dare you to strip naked, coat yourself in microwavable fudge, and let me lick it off."

Duo: "As entertaining as that sounds, I think we're gonna have to wait till we get out of here for that."

Heero: "And why the hell is that?"

Duo: "Well, mainly because we're in a room with four other people..."

Heero: "Well, seeing as Quatre and Trowa are switching between analyzing each other's underwear and making out like bandits... And here I thought you were always such an exhibitionist..."

Duo: "Yeah, you're right. But in any case, I don't have any microwavable fudge, and I don't feel like asking Trowa if HE has any at the moment..."

Heero: "Good point. Okay, fine. I dare you to steal Wufei's sword and coat it with peanut butter. We still have half a tube."

Duo: "Are you trying to get me killed? If you want your own room, you just have to ask, you know."

Heero: "No, I don't want my own room. Look at Wufei."

Wufei: (Taking turns with Gerrod in licking whipped cream off of each other) "Eheheh..."

Duo: "Damn, you're right. Okay, then."

Gerrod: "Wow. This is even more fun than sneaking around Vulture ships!"

Wufei: "I don't know what a Vulture ship is, but I'd be inclined to agree..."

Gerrod: "... Although there was that one time when I snuck in on Robea and Witz making out in the rec room on the pool table... that was pretty great. Voyeurism is fun too."

Wufei: "What is this sticking out of your pocket?"

Gerrod: "Oh, that's my tube of knock-out powder. It's useful in being sneaky and stealthy... See?" ((Blows powder at Quatre and Trowa))

Quatre: "They are NOT whips and handcuffs! I'm TELLING you"- CLUNK.

Trowa: "Do you REALLY think there's BUGS in here?"-CLONK.

Wufei: "Damn, that's cool. What else do you have in your pants?"

Gerrod: "Wow. Strait-forward, aren't we?"

Wufei: ((spluttering and blushing)) "I... what... I... shit... that is NOT what I meant..."

Gerrod: "Geez, relax. I know what you meant. Oh, and just so you know, that braided guy just stole your katana and is smearing what looks like peanut butter all over it... from a tube no less. Hm... I didn't know they made peanut butter in tubes... weird..."

Wufei: "WHAT?!?!?! Maxwell, you... you... AIYIIIII!! My katana!!! My shiny, shiny katana!"

Duo: "Uhoh..."

Wufei: "Maxwell!!!!!!! Yuy! Did you have something to do with this??!?"

Heero: "Whatever makes you think that?"

Wufei: "... I'd like to say that your wearing a rhinestone tiara and leather collar have something to do with it, but I'm having a hard time making a connection here..."

Heero: ((muttering to Wufei)) "If you never mention this tiara again, I won't say anything about the lime green chibi bunnies on your boxers."

Wufei: "What?!?! How did you know about...?" ((looks down)) "...Why is my fly unzipped?"

Gerrod: Loud Coughing Fit

Time: 15:27:42

Mission Time Elapsed: 06:45:23...

...24...

...25...


End file.
